PROLOGUE

Prologue - Title
P - 1 - In which we meet Theodore Leighton.
P - 2 - In which Theodore announces the game.
P - 3 - In which things are quite mysterious.
P - 4- In which the titular bird makes its debut.

CHAPTER ONE

Ch 1 - Title
Ch 1 - 1 - In which we meet our hero.
Ch 1 - 2 - In which our hero arrives at the party.
Ch 1 - 3 - In which our hero is diverted.
Ch 1 - 4 - In which our hero meets Vitus Whitestone.
Ch 1 - 5 - In which the night's plans are nearly revealed.
Ch 1 - 6 - In which confusion sets in.
Ch 1 - 7 - In which faces and names assault the mind.
Ch 1 - 8 - In which it is time for a nap.
Ch 1 - 9 - In which there is a dark turn of events.
Ch 1 - 10 - In which all the entrants arrive.
Ch 1 - 11 - In which the contest begins.
Ch 1 - 12 - In which Jack is tested.
Ch 1 - 13 - In which the points are tallied.
Ch 1 - 14 - In which Jack is the winner of a fabulous prize.
Ch 1 - 15 - In which it is time to eat.
Ch 1 - 16 - In which Jack Ballard dies.
Ch 1 - 17 - In which the new Sombreta is born.
Ch 1 - 18 - In which Jack's tutelage begins.
Ch 1 - 19 - In which Jack does the necessary.
Ch 1 - 20 - In which Jack comes to his senses.
Ch 1 - 21 - In which bedtime approaches.
Ch 1 - 22 - In which Jack is laid to rest.
Interlude - In which Theodore arrives with impeccable style.

CHAPTER TWO

Ch 2 - Title
Ch 2 - 1 - In which Jack is transformed.
Ch 2 - 2 - In which friends are reunited.
Ch 2 - 3 - In which Vitus shows his fashion sense.
Ch 2 - 4 - In which Vitus does a parlor trick.
Ch 2 - 5 - In which Sombreta makes her debut.
Ch 2 - 6 - In which Vitus recycles.
Ch 2 - 7 -In which Vitus feels guilty about carbon emissions.
Ch 2 - 8 - In which Vitus reveals his dark library secret.
Ch 2 - 9 - In which there is no time for love.
Ch 2 - 10 - In which Boytown 5 is rockin' you live.
Ch 2 - 11 - In which Helen can't miss her stories.
Ch 2 - 12 - In which a bitter task is accomplished.
Ch 2 - 13 In which one shouldn't bet against a corpse's constitution.
Ch 2 - 14In which Jack passes with flying colors, or lovely gardens.
Ch 2 -15 In which we learn why Vitus' clothes are aerodynamic.
Ch 2 -16 In which vampires always buckle up for safety.
Ch 2 -17 In which teen drinking is proven to lower life expectancy.
Ch 2 -18 In which the Kingfisher presents a very special episode.
Ch 2 -19 In which Jack meets the family.
Ch 2 -20 In which Sombreta is easily impressed.
Ch 2 -21 In which the dead rest in peace, get it?! Get it?
Ch 2 -22 In which Ignatius Perrier has come to play.

CHAPTER THREE

Ch 3 - Title
Ch 3 -1 - In which sleeping like the dead should mean something.
Ch 3 -2 - In which Vitus is not very photogenic.
Ch 3 -3 - In which Vitus has the eye of the tiger.
Ch 3 -4 - In which shopping takes away the pain of being dead.
Ch 3 -5 - In which Helen is hot for summer.
Ch 3 -6 - In which Darren is distracted from important things.
Ch 3 -7 - In which Darren learns a Very Special Lesson.
Ch 3 -8 - In which there ain't no party like a Greyburn party.
Ch 3 -9 - In which Auberon makes the scene.
Ch 3 -10 - In which Francesca didn't get the memo about fur.
Ch 3 -11 - In which Demetri can't stand nerds.
Ch 3-12-In which Demy would rather watch You Make Me Crazy.
Ch 3-13-In which Aubrey doesn't actually know the rules of Avant.
Ch 3-14 -In which Aubrey's been saving that since the revolution.
Ch 3 -15 -In which Fran wonders if her outfit is now redundant.
Ch 3 - 16 -In which Darren is initiated.
Ch 3 - 17 -In which efficient travel is terrifying.
Ch 3 - 18 -In which it's flashback time again, weeeooohhh!
Ch 3 - 19 -In which skeletons are very pretty.
Ch 3 - 20 -In which the intricacies of hygiene are beyond Aubrey.
Ch 3 - 21 -In which that hitchhiker looks wholesome enough.
Ch 3 - 22 -In which you've got something on your ear dude.
Interlude 1 - In which Gaston Louis' stories always go like that.
Interlude 2 - In which one must bring a ball gag to the aquarium.

CHAPTER FOUR

Ch 4 - Title
Ch 4 - 1 -In which Jack is always worried about pyromaniacs.
Ch 4 - 2 -In which punctuation is not a vampire power.
Ch 4 - 3 -In which there's always time for a cuppa.
Ch 4-4 In which one learns trial by fire, not real fire cuz you'd die.
Ch 4 - 5 -In which Vitus gets an ultra combo.
Ch 4 - 6 -In which one sees guys and girls dancin, OOH OOH!
Ch 4 - 7 -In which babies shouldn't hang out on roofs anyway.
Ch 4 - 8 -In which Darren is not Harlan's hide and seek champion.
Ch 4 - 9 -In which allergies are a bitch.
Ch 4 - 10 -In which the moral is: don't be nice to weirdos.
Ch 4 - 11 -In which barflies failed zoology.
Ch 4 - 12 -In which vampires can be lazy stalkers.
Ch 4 - 13 -In which the party is totally alive though man!
Ch 4 - 14 -In which cutting is just a job, murder is a career.
Ch 4 - 15 -In which vampires don't get personal space.
Ch 4 - 16 -In which ethics are relative, amirite?
Ch 4 - 17 -In which trucker hats don't have to be ironic.
Ch 4 - 18 -In which Darren has a varsity jacket phobia.
Ch 4 - 19 -In which Darren accessorizes like a true Greyburn.
Ch 4 - 20 -In which enthusiasm is only for the living.
Ch 4 - 21 -In which the comic is a nonstop erotic cabaret again.
Ch 4 - 22 -In which Tomasz's lessons are heavily insured.

CHAPTER FIVE

Ch 5 - Title
Ch 5 - 1 -In which only you can prevent vampire fires.
Ch 5 - 2 - In which that cat doesn't give a damn.
Ch 5 - 3 -In which Vitus is glad that grunge is back.
Ch 5 - 4 - In which Minchin was killing when killing wasn't cool.
Ch 5 - 5 -In which a hooker ballet would be kinda interesting.
Ch 5 - 6 -In which you fill in the 'in the closet' joke.
Ch 5BONUS-In which the comic panels exploded all over the page!
Ch 5 - 7 -In which 'splut splut' is not his ringtone.
Ch 5 - 8 -In which Angela thinks life should be like fan fiction.
Ch 5 - 9 -In which which shinyness is an important feature.
Ch 5 - 10 -In which Jack's PTSD will be so bad by the end.
Ch 5 - 11 -In which everyone enjoys a public flogging.
Ch 5 - 12 -In which Jack should've just asked nicely.
Ch 5 - 13 -In which HAM does not believe in audience interaction.
Ch 5 - 14 -In which the comic goes analog.
Ch 5 - 15 -In which that's one way to comfort someone.
Ch 5 - 16 -In which mad mad lovers must pause and draw the line.
Ch 5 - 17 -In which the shipping fee has to be outrageous.
Ch 5 - 18 -In which children are always jumping out of windows.
Ch 5 - 19 -In which Jack really hates windows.
Ch 5 - 20 -In which you gotta be nude to make it a FUNhouse.
Ch 5 - 21 -In which Vitus should hang up and drive.
Ch 5 - 22 -In which a missile shouldn't be THAT hard to assemble.

CHAPTER SIX

Ch 6 - Title
Ch 6 - 1 - In which Greyburn's standards are too high.
Ch 6 - 2 - In which vampires are the # 1 cause of traffic jams.
Ch 6 - 3 - In which the symphony has lousy security.
Ch 6 - 4 - In which rudeness is subjective.
Ch 6 - 5 - In which at least HE opens the window first.
Ch 6 - 6 - In which the Circle doesn't negotiate with terrorists.
Ch 6 - 7 - In which Jack just can't stay gore-free.
Ch 6 - 7.5 - In which Sarah's got to be true to the Kru.
Ch 6 - 8 - In which Theodore could have just texted him.
Ch 6 - BONUS - In which windows are nothing but trouble.
Ch 6 - 9 - In which the rain falls hard on a humdrum town.
Ch 6 - 10 - In which Theodore shops in bulk.
Ch 6 - 11 - In which presentation is key.
Ch 6 - 12 - In which Theo needs lots of napkins.
Ch 6 - 13 - In which crafting should be respected.
Ch 6 - 14 - In which fire is pretty, so pretty.
Ch 6 - 15 - In which a well is a terrible place for doubloons.
Ch 6 - 16 - In which the comic gets as wiggy as it ever will.
Ch 6 - 17 - In which vampires really need bibs.
Ch 6 - 18 - In which butts are sooo distracting.
Ch 6 - 19 - In which that emoticon makes the page.
Ch 6 - 20 - In which shit's pretty fast, man.
Ch 6 - 21 - In which Theo watches too many '80s movies.
Ch 6 - 22 - In which Theo hates Mondays.

Ch 6 - Interlude - Theo backstory 1
Ch 6 - Interlude - Theo backstory 2

CHAPTER SEVEN

Ch 7 - Title
Ch 7 - 1 - In which Demy finds a modern use for a hat rack.
Ch 7 - 2 - In which it's the most comfy battle ever.
Ch 7 - 3 - In which Elsinor likes boys who bop.
Ch 7 - 4 - In which Jack has high standards for literature.
Ch 7 - 5 - In which the cock blocking keeps rocking.
Ch 7 - 6 - In which Theodore is ever creative in his transportation.
Ch 7 - 7 - In which Theodore is dead, wrapped in plastic!
Ch 7 - 8 - In which Darren is apparently not super bad.
Ch 7 - 9 - In which it is a GHOUL's night OUT! REE HEE HEE!
Ch 7 - 10 - In which 'gay buttz' becomes the comic's top search term.
Ch 7 - 11 - In which walking on the floor is soooo done.
Ch 7- 12 In which someone wants to be considerably more powerful!
Ch 7 - 13 - In which Vitus has important fancy lady hats to pack.
Ch 7 - 14 - In which that trick doesn't go over well at parties.
Ch 7 - 15 - In which the foyer isn't going to pack itself.
Ch 7 - 16 - In which it's just a fixer-upper.
Ch 7 - Interlude - Theo backstory pt. 2 - 1
Ch 7 - Interlude - Theo backstory pt. 2 - 2
Ch 7 - Interlude - Theo backstory pt. 2 - 3
Ch 7 - 17 - In which Angela does a Robert Smith impression.
Ch 7 - 18 - In which Clyde has a song for every occasion.
Ch7 -19 In which Demy looks down on SleepyTown's 2 star charm.
Ch 7 - 20 - In which in soviet Harlan, Boobers watches YOU!
Ch 7 - 21 - In which Demetri needs a better pomade.
Ch 7 - 22 - In which people used to be on fire a lot.
Ch 7 - Interlude - In which Fran thought it was still beat-down time.

INTERMISSION 1
INTERMISSION 2
INTERMISSION 3
INTERMISSION 4
INTERMISSION 5
INTERMISSION 6
INTERMISSION 7

CHAPTER EIGHT

Ch 8 - Title
Ch 8 - 1 - In which no one likes old babies.
Ch 8 - 2 - In which there was a 25% match to a smashed tomato.
Ch 8 - 3 - In which Tricky Slicky has attitude-- but attitude isn't actually everything.
Ch 8 - 4 - In which that song has a lot of notes, apparently.
Ch 8 - 5 - In which Bribeaux is known for its delights.
Ch 8 - 6 - In which Jack fights the bogeyman with politeness.
Ch 8 - 7 - In which real vampires don't use the stairs.
Ch 8 - 8 - In which white guys are pretty scary.
Ch 8 - 9 - In which Karl's 2nd line should've been "whowho-whowho!"
Ch 8 - 10 - In which Chool unspools and the written word rules.
Ch 8 - 11 - In which it was the shower's 40th birthday.
Ch 8 - 12 - In which Bifurcated Cock Gang don't run very fast.
Ch8-13 In which Allison doesn't love the nightlife, and mustn't boogie.
Ch 8 - 14 - In which you don't want to know about fairy munchies.
Ch 8 - 15 - In which the comic gets "fun" again.
Ch 8 - 16 - In which I must not make a sunglasses at night joke.
Ch 8 - 17 - In which vampires are actually not very caliente.
Ch 8 - 18 - In which gold is better for teeth than for dicks.
Ch 8 - 19 - In which my jokes have the same effect on people :(
Ch 8 - 20 - In which Jack feels uninvited in his own home.
Ch 8 - 21 - In which Tristan did WHAT???
Ch 8 - 22 - In which Tristan and Jack conserve water.
Ch 8 - 23 - In which Tristan's got The Power.
Ch 8 - 24 - In which Jack performs a hands-on investigation.
Ch 8 - 25 - In which this comic needs more pratfalls.
Ch 8 - 26 - In which the Kingfisher needs Robert Stack to narrate.
Ch 8 - 27 - In which Jack gets clowned.

CHAPTER NINE

Ch 9 - Title
Ch 9 - 1 - In which the parlor has half the rat shit, twice the fun!
Ch 9 - 2 - In which Jack catches the red eye.
Ch 9 - 3 - In which that meal looks a little underdone.
Ch 9 - 4 - In which Jack 'all-goned' his dinner!
Ch 9 - 5 - In which Theodore hangs up the 'do not disturb' sign.
Ch 9 - 6 - In which ghouls gotta ghoul.
Ch 9 - 7 - In which the Lawd must grant Olga His mimbo.
Ch 9 - 7.25 - In which Demy walks the streets at night, he goes where brown bats dare.
Ch 9 - 7.5 - In which Claude just don't know.
Ch 9 - 7.75 - In which Karl uses lots of thumbtacks.
Ch 9 - 7.99 - In which the crowboys are summoned to the Elemental Plane of Fluorescence.
Ch 9 - 8 - In which ghoulish eyes are shining.
Ch 9 - 9 - In which Minnie doesn't really want to meet local singles.

Ghoul House 1 In which young Jack uses workahol to pay for his alcohol.
Ghoul House 2 In which Demy tells Jack how to pull off that hoo ride.
Ghoul House 3 In which Tabby wants to see Jack's cat style.
Ghoul House 4 In which Cat Style gets too curious.

Ch 9 - 10 - In which the snake's name is Mr. Lengthy.
Ch 9 - 11 - In which Fran gets feminine wiled.
Ch 9 - 12 - In which Lucricia releases the bats.

Vitus Investigates 1 - In which Vitus gets gum stuck to his shoe.
Vitus Investigates 2 - In which the gum gets sticky.
Vitus Investigates 3 - In which the gum gets hard.
Vitus Investigates 4 - In which the gum gets scraped up and chewed again.
Vitus Investigates 5 - In which the gum loses its flavor.

Ch 9 - 13 - In which Olga drops the bombaroo on us.
Ch 9 - 14 - In which yelling at computers makes them sad.
Ch 9 - 15 - In which the flying catsup spaghetti monster appears.
Ch 9 - 16 - In which Darren knows all about local species, yo.
Ch 9 - 17 - In which smoking kills, har har har.
Ch 9 - 18 - In which darlings are killed.
Ch 9 - 19 - In which Claude gets dyspepsia.
Ch 9 - 20 - In which gnomes wardrobe is supplied by Oshkosh B'gosh.
Ch 9 - 21 - In which good help is so hard to ~fiend~ ... REEHEEHEE
Ch 9 - 22 - In which Demetri finds himself in the shadow play.
Ch 9 - 23 - In which there are discos and infernos, but never the twain shall meet.
Ch 9 - 24 - In which Vitus has had the hardest day ever.
Ch 9 - 25 - In which Demy's all 'Quit Playin' Games with mah Heaarrrt.'
Ch 9 - 26 - In which Jack learned all the dirty words.
Ch 9 - Denouement - In which the rat hat strikes back.

CHAPTER 9.5

Ch 9.5 - 1 - In which Karl gets mashed.
Ch 9.5 - 2 - In which Karl thinks he's too good for Noodle Cup.
Ch 9.5 - 3 - In which the Grey Menace gets menaced.
Ch 9.5 - 4 - In which Dr. PinkPink offers sage advice.
Ch 9.5 - 5 - In which Jack is the cool one... because he's dead!
Ch 9.5 - 6 - In which color is a very recent invention.
Ch 9.5 - 7 - In which Karl's crappy kissing makes her PUKE!
Ch 9.5 - 8 - In which you mustn't muss Shaunessy's hair.
Ch 9.5 - 9 - In which the pumpkin half is the top one, luckily.
Ch 9.5 - 10 - In which they're missing the best part of the movie.
Ch 9.5- 11 - In which Jack struts over the rainbow and into our hearts.
Ch 9.5- 12 - In which Jack's jacket is a symbol of his individuality, and belief in personal freedom.
Ch 9.5- 13 - In which you shouldn't do drugs or you'll die and turn into an undead, for real.
Ch 9.5- 14 - In which cocaine is a luxury these days.
Ch 9.5- 15 - In which Jack's got to make him express himself HEY HEY HEY HEY.
Ch 9.5- 16 - In which the boys take the safety off the pin.
Ch 9.5- 17 - In which DuckBear is the majestic sport of kings.
Ch 9.5- 18 - In which rainbow is the color of righteous indignation.
Ch 9.5- 19 - In which it's DOCTOR Curly Fry to you, bub.
Ch 9.5- 20 - In which Jack takes 'stay in touch' literally! HEY O!
Ch 9.5- 21 - In which sleep is for weenies.

CHAPTER TEN

Ch 10 - TITLE
Ch 10 - 01 In which Theo unlocks the secret level.
Ch 10 - 02 In which steam cleaning works wonders.
Ch 10 - 03 In which it's good to stock up on virgin's blood when it's on sale.
Ch 10 - 04 In which being broke as a joke ain't funny.
Ch 10 - 05 In which Karl gets a journalism boner.
Guest Comic by Christopher - Pt. 1 In which haber is dashed against the rocks of punk.
Guest Comic by Christopher - Pt. 2 In which brutal police get brutalized.
Guest Comic by Christopher - Pt. 3 In which GLOBAL CHAOSSSSss does its thing.
Guest Comic by Christopher - Pt. 4 In which Sketchy Mark makes his only appearance.
Ch 10 - 06 In which there really is such a thing as too many noodles.
Ch 10 - 07 In which Molly socializes.
Ch 10 - 08 In which a sex pervert is the best pervert.
Ch 10 - 09 In which Karl is lost in the Labyrinth.
Ch 10 - 10 In which a witch's teat is pretty cool.
Ch 10 - 11 In which frat boys ruin everything.
Ch 10 - 12 In which no one is down with the clown.
Ch 10 - 13 In which Minchin busts a move.
Ch 10 - 14 In which Minchin is cute too, but in his own way.
Ch 10 - 15 In which Allison is haunted by the ghost of spywarez past.
Ch 10 - 16 In which hot lead turns into cold steel.
Ch 10 - 17 In which everything is okay and not weird.
Ch 10 - 18 In which Jack and Karl must keep their tongues inside the ride at all times.
Ch 10 - 19 In which the pizza is the life.
Ch 10 - 20 In which one of these honeys Darren's got to creep on.
Ch 10 - 21 In which Vitus shows a little tough love.
Ch 10 - 22 In which Vitus really hates Jack's neck.
Ch 10 - 23 In which Vitus is a heartbreaker.
Ch 10 - Denouement In which the gang takes in the trash.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Ch 11 - TITLE
Ch 11 - 01 In which Allison's gonna take you down to clown town.
Ch 11 - 02 In which Allison is up to bat.
Ch 11 - 03 In which burlap is the hot look for spring.
Ch 11 - 04 In which Claude gives up his nudist ways... for now.
Ch 11 - 05 In which Francesca overcomes the familial nerd hate.
Ch 11 - Arsonella Pt 1 In which Arsonella rocks the occult underworld.
Ch 11 - Arsonella Pt 2 What did they do with the baby?
Ch 11 - 06 In which Claude is a bad motor-scooter.
Ch 11 - Thierry's Inferno I In which hell is other demons.
Ch 11 - Thierry's Inferno II In Allison whacks the vice squad.
Ch 11 - 07 In which bright-eyes turns around.
Ch 11 - 08 In which Clyde's momma didn't raise no fool.
Ch 11 - 09 In which the puzzles are set to difficult and monsters to easy.
Ch 11 - 10 In which Demetri is up to bat.
Ch 11 - 11 In which Darren checks out.
Ch 11 - 12 In which Jack has enchanting tits.
Ch 11 - 13 In which one good job deserves another.
Ch 11 - 14 In which Allison stomps on the pious.
Ch 11 - 15 In which The Kingfisher gets on the road again, like a John Denver song, or a taxi full of vampires, work with us here.
Ch 11 - 16 In which Karl's face is squeezably soft.
Ch 11 - 17 In which Harlan's premier forum for gay horror fans collides with meatspace.
Ch 11 - 18 In which I don't wanna wait for our liiives to be over.